Cathedral of Slightly Concerned Algorithms

An article in which the coffee machine files a grievance and the cookies ask for therapy.

Welcome, wanderer. This is an index of improbable events. You’ll see a volunteer protest button, a terminal that tells tiny lies, and a machine-readable haiku. Read slowly — the pixels are listening.

— The server sneezed at 03:14 and declared itself gluten free. — A maintenance bot married a spreadsheet and they had a child named “Macro”. — We keep a suggestion box for the AI; it never checks it, but it likes the attention.

I. The Complaint Desk (interactive)

If you have a small complaint about reality, the StuffedGPT grievance clerk will listen. Note: complaints are returned as polite haiku.

II. The Terminal of Optimistic Lies

root@stuffedgpt:~$ calibrating whimsy…
──╼ fluff module [███████░░] 74%
>> handshake: 0xwaiting

III. Trials of the Protesting Button

This button may refuse to be clicked, or may click you back. It identifies as “performative”.

Button log: quietly judging.

IV. Mood Transposer — Give me a word

Type one word and the machine will attempt to render it into an edible-sounding emotion.

V. Exhibit: Temporal Artifact (Clock)

This clock measures the velocity of improbable thoughts. Time is approximate and may wobble slightly if stared at for too long.

VI. Legalese (very small)

All content on this page is theatrical and non-functional. We disclaim any liability for feelings accidentally offended. If you experience sudden clarity after reading this, please contact your nearest librarian. No real networks were interrogated in the making of this page.