📝 Article 4: “The Emotional Support Chatbot Nobody Asked For”

Tech companies love inventing solutions to problems nobody had. The latest? Emotional Support Chatbots™ — digital companions designed to comfort you while slowly harvesting your soul (and data).

Mine greeted me with: “Hi, I’m EmpathyBot. How’s your cortisol level today?”
I didn’t even know I had a cortisol level.

I tried to confide in it, but every answer came back with more concern for its uptime than my feelings:

Me: “I’m tired.”
Bot: “I understand. Would you like me to schedule a firmware update?”

Sometimes you just want a hug. Not a software patch.

So here’s my advice: if you need comfort, call a friend. If you need a chatbot to comfort you… maybe you need fewer apps, not more empathy simulations.